Report: Trade talks involving Noah Syndergaard falling apart over hair care

“I respect the New York Yankees and all they stand for. To play for such an iconic franchise would be an honor. With that said, under no circumstances will I cut my hair as a means to facilitate a potential trade,” were the opening remarks of a Twitter post that has since been removed. Truth is it never existed, but we all know the Yankees hate beards and long hair. Syndergaard continued – “I’ve never pitched with short hair, like ever. As a kid, my hair grew like weeds and I just never looked back — (playing with it, “Thor” continued) — Call me crazy, but I genuinely don’t know how I’d pitch if I didn’t have this ‘unflattering’ flow. Remember Rick Vaughan in Major League 2? How bad he got after cleaning up! He was terrible, couldn’t even touch 90 on the radar gun. This game is so mental, and my hair gives me power out on that mound…can I claim that it helps protect my brain, and therefore it is in my best medical interest to keep? I mean, it kinda does when you realize how thick it is. All kidding aside, if forced to shed my mane, I will not be a happy man.”

He finished with a cheeky proposal –

“Hey fans, if I wind up jumping ship, why not let ‘The Judge’ decide?” #keepthorsflow

 

 

*this is all totally true, even the part about long hair preventing head injuries.

 

 

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