I vote to scrap pre-game anthems…

Before accusing me of everything up to and including treason, tell me about a time when the national anthem served as a prelude to a band’s opening song? So much for coming out of the gates with a banger…How about a movie showing? FWIW, in Thailand, they make moviegoers rise for the anthem. I had Taken 3 delayed because of said ritual…Ever attend a musical on Broadway, or anywhere for that matter and prior to curtains up, been kindly asked to rise (if able) for the playing of the national anthem?

No, no — unless, like me, you’ve screened a movie in Elephant country — and no.

So what’s the deal with sporting events? Why are anthems a fixture in the presentation of live sports? *Newsflash*, nobody, not a single person in attendance, would be genuinely upset if the game got underway a few minutes earlier than usual thanks to the anthem(s) being scrapped. You’d get some a-holes who’d act as though someone had just wiped their ass with the flag, but there’s no accounting for “tools” in life, this much we know. And hey, if we’re talking about an international affair (i.e. World Cup), sure, fire up some patriotic symphonies…but a November “showdown” between the Browns and Bengals? Is it really necessary?

It’s become a polarizing subject amongst sports fans — anthem etiquette — meanwhile, football has all but eliminated tackling and every fifth pitcher in baseball is a moderate racist if you go by their social media activity.

Once again, I pose the question –– Why are national anthems played at sporting events? What is the real purpose and why are sports treated differently than other outings? The answer to that, by the way, involves the concept of Paid Patriotism which I’ll allow you to research on your own time — just Google it.

Some reading this already have pegged me as an unpatriotic c*nt — others are shaking their head, struggling to digest the verbal venom…

…and I know precisely what they are saying to themselves:

Is it too much to ask that you give two minutes of your time to remember those who paid the ultimate price so you could attend this game?!

– A “True” Patriot

…umm yeah. It is too much to ask, not to mention I don’t have to stand for this song to show that I care and respect sacrifice — I’m here to watch sports, take in a game, see some shit go down perhaps. I didn’t come here to cringe during a botched singing of my nation’s one and only hit single. Also, for those not attending the game, do they stand and play the anthem in their living room? Nope! As all those men, women, and children who paid top dollar to attend the game in-person stand at attention, couch guy is elbow deep in a bag of chips watching something else until the real action begins.

Ever DVR a sports broadcast? Did you happen to fast-forward through the anthem part, or were you too proud to do so?

What do people think would happen if anthems were removed from pre-game playlists? Are we all gonna suddenly forget history? – I know how the world is and doing away with pre-game anthem ceremonies would trigger a societal backlash of epic proportions if only because people these days will find any reason to complain and/or be upset — taking offense has become a legitimate hobby.

I love my country, and respect the hell out of every single person that serves — soldiers, teachers, doctors, border guards, the whole f*cking catalogue of public servants. But please stop jamming the anthem down my throat. I get it – people died so I could be here – they are still dying so I can drink this $20 beer, inhale this $14 hot dog, and not have to worry about some crazy dictator’s master plan to take over the world. Thanks for that…now can we maybe take over a country rich with beer and butt meat so both these concessions are more affordable next time around?

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