Stoppen Sie die Fahrt!

RT.com – That’s German for, “STOP THE RIDE!”

Before we go any further, please watch this:

Courtesy: euronews

Anybody else feel kinda dirty after watching that? Right away something seemed off — is that what I think it is? Kinda looks like a swas….…….before one can realistically confirm any suspicion(s) regarding foul play, the video cuts away. We are then shown some other attractions in the Tatzmania park, in the town of Löffingen, Germany — roller coasters and wildlife, including freakin’ lions, await visitors. But after a few seconds, the camera returns to the ominous structure from the beginning of the video, now high in the sky:

Chris Sale Sport GIF by MLB - Find & Share on GIPHY

…

…

…

No-doubter.

Am I witnessing swirling swastikas?

“Mmmhm,”

Manufactured in Italy, the structure features two separate ends, each with four eagle-shaped cars spanning outwards from the centre. When in motion, it cuts deep. Really deep.

To its credit, the park has reacted swiftly since the video went viral, shutting the ride down and vowing to alter the design. Codenamed Eagle’s Flight, the design modifications will see each spinning end outfitted with three cars rather than four which will make it look less like a Nazi windmill.

How this ride made it through all stages of design without anybody raising their hand to point out what we all now know to be a MAJOR miscalculation is beyond me…nobody thought to bring it up at a staff meeting? Seriously, how did no drawing highlight this ode to Hitler? And then, if the symbol wasn’t a big enough kick in the dick, the name given to the ride is Eagle’s Flight. Nazis loved eagles, but not bald ones. The superior race had no time for hairless infidels.

All this to say, I’m glad the park has been hasty in its reaction. No longer will families be unloading joy-filled screams while whipping around on a Hitler logo, certainly a step in the right direction for us humans. Bravo.

Now how bout we do something about those fires in the Amazon?

Aug 2, 2019 – Look away...nothing to see here 'cept for a swirling swastika peering out from a behind a tree. Now come to Tatzmania and "Let yourself be surprised."

Night King’s Estate Threatens Legal Action, Claims Team Living Intentionally Left Arya Off Official Battle Roster

Sources also claim the now deceased leader of the Dead Army is questioning the battle eligibility of Arya’s weapon, claiming her dagger made of Valyrian steel a.k.a. kryptonite for blue-eyed folk was not registered in her name at the time the Battle of Winterfell commenced. If true, it would make the dagger ineligible for use in an officially sanctioned battle. Word on the street is the dagger still legally belongs to Petyr Baelish.

When reached for comment, Lady Sansa confirmed an internal investigation was already underway as to why proper battle etiquette was not followed for such a high-profile event. As of now, no charges have been filed, but legal experts predict the Night King’s next of kin will take legal action in the coming days, as they are unlikely to accept the eventual results of Team Living’s investigation into the matter.

 

 

Barista To Spend Summer Months Freelance Brewing Before Applying To Starbucks’ 28,000 Other Locations

“I applied to Starbucks with the thought being that a job there would be forever, or, at the very least, would last as long as I needed it to. I mean, when do they ever close? Turns out, sometimes they do, and now, without a job, I need to decide what my next move is,” explained Pourdeep Grandé, a barista caught up in the recent closure of a Starbucks in Cabbagetown, a neighbourhood in the city of Toronto.

“Look, I didn’t agree to join the Green Siren’s army for the money; I came for both the love of coffee and for the love of overly complex drink orders. Sure, I’ve made mistakes during my time here, bringing home leftovers and shortchanging the odd lippy customer, but remember when the world thought Starbucks was racist? Nobody’s hands are clean inside this mess of a company…but time heals all wounds, and it’s my hope that with some time away from the corporate grind, I’ll be ready to get back in the game of hawking overpriced bevys and pastries to society’s most rushed and irritable individuals. I’ve already refined my profile on the career website and am prepared to relocate anywhere in the world, so long as it involves a return to the front lines and the issuing of a new, freshly washed, green apron.”

 

Proposed Rule Change Tabs Saluting, Not Kneeling, As Effective Clock Management Tactic

“While nothing is official, the idea of going from kneeling to saluting is worth a discussion,” explains Roger Goodell. “As happy and proud we at the NFL are of certain traditions, sometimes, elements of the game, if left untouched, can become stale. Take extra points for example. We identified an issue with those plays and despite some loud criticism, we moved forward with a rule change that has noticeably transformed the game. By altering how teams operate in the Victory Formation — forcing them to salute rather than kneel — we hope to see the same type of transformation in how games are played, specifically in their closing moments.”

Halftime performances now challengeable

Said Roger Goodell — “These rule changes will improve the on-field product of the National Football League, it’s that simple. We don’t want fans, players, coaches, or officials having to live with the pain of a missed or blown call, so we’ve decided, starting next season, everything that is (and isn’t) is reviewable.”

“The [New Orleans] Saints skinned their knee and the league decided to amputate…”

– Kyle Brandt, about NFL’s decision to make PI penalties reviewable

Goodell continued – “Also, it worth mentioning that the scope of these rule changes is broad and not only limited to football plays; these new directives will also govern the actions of halftime performers. Botched and/or lazy choreography on the part of non-football entertainers will not be tolerated under any circumstances. In the event of such transgressions, the league will mandate that performers return to the stage and make it perfect, because, at the end of the day, that’s what our fans deserve…perfection and nothing less.”

Alex Trebek diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

Barstool Sports – Now I don’t know shit about shit (not an exaggeration), but I do know that pancreatic cancer isn’t good. Not at all. These types of stories end with cancer winning. Every time. We’re talking the Floyd Mayweather of diseases…undefeated, though unlike Floyd, this type of cancer comes out swinging and drops its opponent quickly. It doesn’t f*** around for 12 rounds.

Now I won’t lie and say I was a routine Jeopardy! viewer, but the occasional time that I’d tune in, he who demands only questions for answers would be CRUSHING IT. Without fail. —

In the lost city of Atlantis, a 20-foot tall statue of this individual staring up at the sky was once considered proof that aliens had visited Earth

(??????????)

Alex – “ahhhh, I see. if you had remembered who imported psychedelics for the Atlantis elite, you wou….*knowledge knowledge knowledge, GIVES ANSWER* — witnessing Trebek shoot the three underlings vying for his approval an unmistakably condescending look after three seconds of buzzer-free silence never got old. It was as if he couldn’t fathom not knowing that Lord Voldemort was actually a real person who talked to aliens, on top of being the bad guy in Harry Potter…well that, and he had a card with the answer on it. But when did Alex ever look at those, seriously? Notta once.

 

(are people still reading this?)…As a kid, I can’t help but think Trebek had a profound (too much?) influence on me, likely as the guy on tv who I genuinely believed “had ALL the answers”. Whenever I craved knowledge — all the time –, I’d flick through the channels until I found Alex. There was no guide either; tv watchers back then had to, channel by channel, scroll until they landed on what they wanted. Not a single young person today would’ve coped.

Meanwhile, for me, the sound of Alex’s voice meant class was in session, and I was to pay attention. I mostly didn’t, and that’s why I get daily emails from Indeed.

Now to finish on a serious note — earlier, I know I said pancreatic cancer was undefeated. Basically, you get it, and your body has no answers to the questions it poses. Sadly, there are too many of these at the moment, and I say that while understanding that people exponentially more intelligent than me continue to, each and every day, devote themselves to finding answers. Someday, I know we’ll have all the answers to all the diseases.

For now, maybe Alex Trebek has the one for pancreatic cancer?

?What is “let’s hope”?

(Now, a video serving as proof that not everyone in America watches football. I’m willing to wager that Trebek, off-air, asked if contestants could be replaced mid-game after having to endure this)

 

APRÈS LA ROSE: (EP. 8) – *Review of Hometowns + Teeing up Episode 9*

“You don’t microwave relationships”

Tayshia’s Father

*NOTE –> These are the final rankings for S23 — It’s been an emotionally taxing exercise churning these rankings out each and every week, and while I do enjoy crafting them on a weekly basis, all the drama and close calls with Cassie this season have taken a toll, so I’m Stringer Bell’ing my way outta here:

Done. Leaving. Bye.

Let’s revisit hometowns for a moment — the last episode saw Caelynn get the boot in a shocking rose ceremony that once again proved Cassie has Colton very confused (and also very hard). Generally speaking, all three family visits went well, all containing both good and bad moments, though, for Cassie, it appeared her days were numbered when she wasn’t able to admit to being in love with a non-surfer. Throw in the fact daddy didn’t give Colton the blessing the bachelor mandates he has if he’s going to propose, and everything pointed to Huntington Beach’s hottest speech pathologist going home. Cassie even wore white to the rose ceremony, which I took as a sign that she was dunzo………………

……..but all Colton’s virgin mind could think about as he held that final rose was the ass grabbing permitted by Cassie during dates. Right or wrong, that’s the reason the surfer survived and Caelynn, the former beauty pageant contestant, did not.

Also –

When you’re a virgin arriving at your first fantasy suite…

The fence jump looms… 

(click here for last week’s rankings)

1. CASSIE

Last ranking: 1 –    751,000 IG followers (up  12.1% since Feb. 25 — was at 130,000 followers back on Jan. 11)

After seeing the trailer for the upcoming episode, I’ve been trying to forget a small portion of it — there was a brief moment that appears to show Cassie in the back of a Yukon…Does Colton finally muster up the courage (or whatever you wanna call it) to send her home? If that’s the ending that is on tap, let’s just hope they get to bang first — c’mon, they both deserve it at this point. And who knows, maybe the sex is what will cause Cassie to finally fall in love with Colton? Doubt it, but is it so hard to let a man dream ffs?

2. TAYSHIA

Last ranking: 3  –  120,000 IG followers (up  32.5% since Feb. 25 — was at 14,800 back on Jan. 11)

Rowdy Section law stipulates that Cassie remain in the top spot until such time that she is eliminated. As a result, Tayshia can be ranked no higher than the number two spot she occupies following her family visit, which was highlighted by her father’s microwave quote that will travel with me forever.

3. HANNAH G

Last ranking: 2 –   711,000 IG followers (up  11.8% since Feb. 25 — was at 180,000 followers back on Jan. 11)

Did I miss the part of etiquette class where you learn how to politely freestyle during dinner? T’was a painful scene that should’ve never seen the light of day.

ELIMINATED *BETTER LUCK IN PARADISE*

CAELYNN (blindsided) 

***PREDICTION TIME***

Fantasy Suites >>  Home of the fence jump and Colton’s impressive combine showing (football joke, likely lost on most reading this). Also, a maid’s worst nightmare (leave a nice tip, Chris!) — Colton finally experiences P in V — After three “rocket rides”, he opts to send Hannah home, leaving Tayshia and Cassie as the two remaining choices heading into the finale.

Finale >> Tayshia and Cassie remain. Who will lay claim to the one ring, rather, who do I think will win? Duh, that’s pretty obvious at this point…

.

.

.

.

.

Wait, are you serious? You mean you don’t know? Wow, k.

For the less observant readers, my choice is…

Predicted winner – Cassie Randolph

*Most current IG numbers pulled Mar. 4